No longer willing to hide

Last night I started to reflect on the journey I started almost nineteen years ago. I've done a lot of work on myself through the years, and this morning when I woke up, I was ready to acknowledge all of it.

I could hear a voice in my head, "It's time to get on with it."

Today is my birthday, and I committed to starting my blog today. Why today? Because I turned fifty-four today.

As I write this, I can feel emotions moving through me. A little voice tells me it's not fair. Another voice tells me that it's time to get the fuck on with it. It's time to live the life that you're meant to live. What are you waiting for?

The truth is, I'm feeling a little nervous. In some ways, I don't care about what people think of me, but in another way...I Care Deeply.

You see, I want to help women live their lives to the fullest. I want to see you grow and expand your life in a way that you never imagined before. And, I fear that if I show up with all of my warts and imperfections, the very thing that I encourage women to embrace, that you'll run the other way. But you running the other way, that's just a story in my head and, it's not even mine. I’ve worked with far too many women whose lives I’ve watched flourish because I shared what I’ve learned through the years. Women who had a hunger for more. To Be More.

So, why is turning fifty-four so important to me? Because my sister died when she was fifty-three. She didn't get the chance to live the life that she was meant to live.

Today must be the day that I stand up and wave my flag and say, “Here I Am!”

When she passed, she left a trail of breadcrumbs for me to follow. There were so many things that she said days before she passed that made me feel like they had hidden meanings and messages that I need to explore. So, when she passed, I went on a journey. I didn’t know what it was going to look like, and I didn’t know what I was going to find, but I didn’t care.

With everything that I’ve learned since her passing, I can honestly say, that I’m tired of watching women die trying to be and do, everything for everyone, without ever considering themselves.

I believe that if my sister had of felt like she could have expressed what she needed to, that she still would be here today.

 My journey has taken me to the dark night of the soul.  I have stared in the face of things that once made me hold my breath in fear. I have made my way through the murkiness of life when I wish I wasn’t alive. The corridors of darkness, the weight I carried because I felt unworthy. I have gone to the depths of my life and explored every nook and cranny so that I could look at all of it without fear, and I survived.

The shadows are gone. The light that is within me, sheds light on the darkness and offers me a new understanding. There is no longer anything to fear.

I am no longer tethered to the stories of the past. Guilt, shame and blame no longer run my life.  I am free to say yes, to the things that bring me joy. I am free to say no, to the things that make me cringe and feel small. I will no longer hide parts of me that other people don’t understand.

I Am Free to Be Me, and I invite you to do the same.

Be the Woman You’re Meant to Be and Be it Now!

 

With love and respect for who you are,

Amy

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