A couple of nights ago, I decided to relax and watch a movie. It seemed to be a slow start and yet, I felt the need to stay watching it. When there are many things to consider, a movie can take me a few hours or a couple of days to watch. - I pause, write, get up and walk around and sometimes sit still and let my mind wander.
As I reflected on what was going on in the movie, and my own life, I thought…
Forgiveness is a funny thing.
We tell ourselves stories about how others have done us wrong. We condemn their actions, usually experience from long ago, and we hold onto them and replay them in our minds.
The pain and suffering that we put ourselves through, is much worse than the one-time event that occurred. We become self-righteous and forget our own flaws and imperfections. Beyond the apology that we seek and believe we want and deserve, is the hope of acknowledgment of the pain we’ve endured.
Why is it that others can’t see the pain they have inflicted upon us?
Well, thought about that and, I wonder if it’s because they too are feeling pain. Pain from the past put there by someone else. Someone who was self-absorbed and unable to identify that they had caused someone else pain. Whether by words or actions, is irrelevant.
We are all moving through life feeling hurt, wounded,
and somewhat broken.
But here are some thoughts to consider.
I know this may sound harsh. I felt it too when the thought came into my awareness. Arrogance seems to be a bit too much and then I considered it a little further. A need to be right is ego-driven. So yes, arrogance, seems fitting.
I’m not saying that others are right for being mean. And that saying, “We hurt the ones we love,” I’ve never been okay with it. Frankly, I’ve always thought that it was a crock of shit. Being mean isn’t okay. Being mean back, just to prove a point…well, that isn’t okay either.
Here’s another thought that I considered.
If you are of a kind heart, which I believe we all are at our core, find it in you to acknowledge your pain and learn from it. You are here to learn, to grow, and expand your life. Your learning is about you, not someone else.
When you find it in your heart to forgive yourself for your own wrong-doing, and short-comings, you will free yourself from the need to be right. The need to be perfect. You will open your heart up to appreciate the pains of the past and their teachings.
The person you feel delivered your pain was delivering a lesson you needed to learn. They were not your assailant or even an accomplice, but a messenger and teacher, of sorts.
Do not build a wall to keep out those who have caused you pain, for by doing so, you will limit your potential to heal.
One final thought…
Be slow to blame, and quick to forgive...yourself.